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A Walk with Mr. Barbera, Milano


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Monday, March 01, 2010

A Walk with Mr. Barbera, Milano

Mr. Barbera (some men just seem to command the title Mr., anyway) is one of the most elegant gentlemen I know. Of course he always looks great but it's his manners and his manner that really set him apart.

Manners and grace are soooo important to great style. Would Cary Grant be Cary Grant without his grace? I'm telling you guys, women really notice that stuff.

Anyone know of a good book on manners for gentleman and young men? One that's actually modern and reflective of today's society. I'm not kidding but I saw one for young girls done by American Girl and I thought it was great. I'm buying it for my girls for their birthdays (I already know the response it will get but, I'm doing it anyway...they'll thank me later).

While we were walking together Mr. Barbera kept stopping to emphasize a point he was making in the conversation. Usually this was done with very emphatic but graceful hand gestures (like any good Italian). Though I was listening closely to what he was saying, I was also looking closely at his gloves!

Garance has been on me about not buying so many new clothes and instead wearing the clothes I have if I want them to age gracefully. While I was shooting Mr. Barbera I was wearing a pair of slightly darker brown pecari leather gloves and I kept thinking to myself...."My gloves are going to look just like that in about two years." Of course, about an hour later, I lost them in a taxi on the way to the Gucci show!

Take note gentlemen, this is not that hard to do but very rewarding.

Comments on "A Walk with Mr. Barbera, Milano"


Blogger JDB said ... (9:38 PM) : 

wow! What a gentleman!


Blogger Haley said ... (8:38 AM) : 

Fabulous! Absolutely fabulous. Couldn't agree more --grace and class are key.



Blogger La chica said ... (8:46 AM) : 

He looks like Sean Connery, so elegant and classy.


Blogger Life Abroad said ... (8:48 AM) : 

Such a classic look. The mix of camels and grey is wonderful to see.


Blogger beths said ... (8:54 AM) : 

There are newer books, but my favorite is Maurice Sendak's _What Do You Say, Dear?_ His illustrations and words gently work together, just as kid words and actions do.

Hurray for gentlemen; my gentleman son is 18 today.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (8:57 AM) : 

Thank you, Scott, bringing attention to this much ignored subject: It is not enough to look beautiful, one's manners must reflect a deeper attempt at beauty.

I don't know of a modern book (the market cries out of one) but this little, inexpensive book is worth a look:

"Rules of Civility: The 110 Precepts that guided our First President in War and Peace" by Richard Brookhiser. I found it illuminating: My own manners, I decided, needed some attention.
So I got one for myself and well as my son.

For example: "Give not advice without being asked, and when desired do it briefly." :—)


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (9:05 AM) : 

The cast of Jersey Shore should take note - THIS is what real Italians look like.


Blogger Whit Mack said ... (9:07 AM) : 

It is so true! Manners and grace are so important.

My favorite part of this shot is his amber shoes with the side buckle. It reflects the amber in his hat.


Blogger Sinatra's Shadow said ... (9:12 AM) : 

This one is very good:

As it this:

Sinatra's Shadow


Blogger Sabine said ... (9:14 AM) : 

The perfect gentleman; and yes, leather gloves do age so nicely (if you keep them, that is). Though I don't know about any direct advise books I always find Jane Austen's books often address the question what (and what not) makes a gentleman.


Blogger Sacheverell Pei said ... (9:21 AM) : 

He's truly epic!


Anonymous kelly said ... (9:24 AM) : 

He looks like such a friendly person too! He's so well dressed, and I definitely agree that manners and grace are important with style. I've always loved the 'Old Hollywood' actors because they're always so graceful. I think Cary Grants grace was one of the key components to his persona.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (9:26 AM) : 

Great shot, mr Sartorialist. But above all a great piece of philosophy about the way we dress and address the others. That's why I always have a look at your blog: stylish and clever.


Anonymous Famous J said ... (9:26 AM) : 

Brooks Brothers has several books on etiquette. I haven't done more than a quick browse at checkout, but they look well done:


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (9:36 AM) : 

Great style for a man his age. I am luckily 30 years away from his age, so I go for the more contemporary, yet classic look.


Anonymous Alan said ... (9:40 AM) : 

Makes me wish I didn't feel silly with a hat on. Maybe when I'm older. I don't know about a book but there's a fantastic blog that you might find helpful called The Art of Manliness at - it covers everything from manners to what a man carries in his pockets.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (9:46 AM) : 

No joke: Tiffany's table manners for teens is well worth a look. Pragmatic and pretty.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (9:52 AM) : 

so much respect is attributed to dressing and behaving well, i believe. thank you for posting this! he reminds me of my grandpa, who always wore a suit and tie :)


Blogger Merlin said ... (9:52 AM) : 

Best book for manners? Debrett's a - z of modern manners and Debrett's guide for the modern gentleman. More up to date than you might expect from Debretts...
and of course, nice attire Mr Barbera


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (9:54 AM) : 

I do not wish to be dismissive of good manners, but I've noticed that the pervasive cult of "youth culture" loudly drowns out the adults who try very hard both to teach and exemplify them. Sart, it is a good thing you do here when you highlight the "grown-ups" in your blog.

Class has always been cool, and it has nothing to do with money. It has everything to do with making others comfortable around you by caring about how you present yourself to the world.


Blogger mjrn said ... (9:54 AM) : 

so true about manners and grace!!

Mr. Sartorialist, try looking at the blog it has a retro modern feel to it, but i assure you the contents are fresh and have a very very contemporary mood to them.

also see the book "The Dangerous Book for Boys". the book itself is meant for children, but the part about "how to talk to girls" is just golden!!

Good day!:)


Blogger vir beātum said ... (9:57 AM) : 

This gent looks terrific.

A source for manners for the modern man? You could do worse than visit


Blogger L.Holm said ... (9:59 AM) : 

Love this gentleman. Warm, engaging, so dapper.


Blogger dominicandandy said ... (10:00 AM) : 

He reminds me of my father and grandfather. My wife recently told me the same thing that Garance told you. I look in my armoire and see many beautiful classic suits. Yet I always feel that I need one more this or one more that. Nonsense! All I really need, Scott, is one more pair of shoes. I promise. Just one more pair and I'm set for life.


Blogger Pamlwell said ... (10:00 AM) : 

Lovely stuff. You are dead right about the manners. One quick way to ruin a fashionable first impression is to make an idiot of yourself as soon as you open your mouth.

One collection of tips for boys that I have been very fond of lately is Rules for My Unborn Son:
There is a book out now too, I believe. It's more about masculinity in general than specifically about manners, but as we've discussed, good manners are vital to being a real gentleman.


Blogger Julia said ... (10:03 AM) : 

Love his shoes!!


Blogger MN SL&E said ... (10:03 AM) : 

I don't think any book could help in teaching, ingraining and applying manners. Ettiquette maybe, but not manners. That depends on personal choice. It starts from a young age and there should be no modern twist to it. The same way my 60yr old father treated his elderlies, the same way I am expected to, the same way my children I am going to teach my children to as well. No book can teach how to carry oneself except the teaching that a parent can teach their child. This goes directly to family values as well, they've got tobe taught from a young age. And this doesn't mean that single parent households are not families. Values can be taught there as well. A book can only help one to be erudite but personal teaching helps one to apply.

My father once told me that as a man I should never reach my hand out to shake a woman's hand. I should rather wait for her to reach out and then oblige her.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (10:04 AM) : 

"Anyone know of a good book on manners for gentleman and young men?"


Arguably a Gentleman doesn't need such a book.


Blogger The Khaki Crusader said ... (10:05 AM) : 

great point about properly wearing-in your clothing. there is nothing better than a piece that is truly experienced... you can see and feel the difference.


Blogger Daniel said ... (10:05 AM) : 

Very handsome man! I get the feeling that he is from another time: people don't dress that good anymore!
Let's grow up later


Blogger Michele said ... (10:07 AM) : 

It is always to wonderful to see mature elegance and refinement. It is sad to note that Mr. Barbera is a dying breed. It is possible to find class and refinement throughout Europe however it is largely with the older generation, and not in the young. Jeans, down jackets, ski/ baseball caps, sneakers or Uggs seem to be the uniform not matter where you go. Behaviors that scream the universe revolves around me - was he talking on his cellphone while you were with him, or texting? Such a pity.
Manners and civility, go to Dr. P.M.Forni who is a leading expert and so charming too.


Blogger anonymous girl said ... (10:09 AM) : 

You take amazing photos!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (10:10 AM) : 

I want this man for a grandfather. I've never had one, I want one, and this guy fits the bill. He looks like he'll actually have FUN going shopping with me AND give me great advice.


Anonymous Mélaestla said ... (10:12 AM) : 

Scott, i think good style comes with grace, which comes with être bien dans sa peau as we say in french... Don't you think?


Anonymous JOE said ... (10:24 AM) : 

Sart - Good stuff. Very hard to see chapper dapper guys like this stateside. What I loved about growing up in Europe and going back each year. The older folk still take trememdous pride in what they wear, and how they look like.

Concur with your view on manners! A breath of fresh air when you meet someone who genuinely has them. Hard to find nowadays.



Anonymous CK Dexter Haven said ... (10:24 AM) : 

There are books from Brooks Brothers, although i cannot recall if the text within is worthwhile:

They have similar books for Ladies, as well.


Blogger Adrienne said ... (10:27 AM) : 

Oh, I love him! One of those father figure types. His shoes are so shiny and clean!


Blogger DAPPER VAN said ... (10:28 AM) : 

Perhaps a little too specific, but I think Tiffany's Table Manners for Teenagers is invaluable. Table manners are a big part of what separates the wheat from the chaff. I received a copy as a teenager, and though I was initially embarrassed, it's much better than being embarrassed at a fine dinner party. I still reference it today.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (10:29 AM) : 

Mr. Barbeera....simply perfect!


Blogger kimmy scotti said ... (10:30 AM) : 

You are so right about manners! There is a great book out by a blogger--its called "Rules for my Unborn Son"--I think it may be exactly what you are looking for!

Also, for the girls, the Kate Spade book "Manners" is a personal favorite, a book called "a Guide to Elegance" I got in my Christmas stocking which is perfect for modern women who kick it old school, and Cynthia Rowley's "Swell" are all fabulous options.


Blogger jessicarae said ... (10:34 AM) : 

His glasses are brilliant. What a lovely color.


Anonymous NW said ... (10:37 AM) : 

This is what I had as a kid:
Stand Up, shake hands, say how do you do



Anonymous Anonymous said ... (10:38 AM) : 

very well-put advice.. thank you.


Anonymous Dawne said ... (10:38 AM) : 

Yes, manners and grace contribute to great style. Thank-you for the reminder!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (10:39 AM) : 

When I was a kid my mom gave me: Stand Up, Shake Hands, Say How Do You Do


Blogger Eric said ... (10:48 AM) : 

A book that I own and love is How To Be A Gentleman by John Bridges. I believe that it is part of a series of books sold at Brooks Brothers.


Blogger clint said ... (10:51 AM) : 

"Rules for My Unborn Son" by Walker Lamond


Blogger SMII said ... (10:53 AM) : 

Thanks Sartorialist. Mr Barbera exudes style and class.


Blogger Jessica said ... (10:54 AM) : 

A great book on manners for me: RULES FOR THE MODERN MAN by Dylan Jones, published by Pegasus Books in 2007. It's available on amazon!

I got it for my boyfriend--its witty and smart, and talks about everything, from getting a bespoke suit to how to hire (or fire) someone was class.


Blogger Dania Padron said ... (10:58 AM) : 

Yes, Mr. Barbera is an elegant man just by his appearance, but I'm sure, as you pointed out, its his manner and his manners that make him a class act. I can't tell you how many well-dressed guys I know are complete turn-offs once they open their mouths. Let me not forget the fact that most of them have absolutely no manners to speak of. Clothes are a good down payment on achieving style, but personality and manners are the things you need to pay of the mortage.

Lovely work, Scott, or should I say, Mr. Schuman.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (11:09 AM) : 

I'm particularly fond of the whole light-tan single strap monk chucka against darker pants look -- very Italian, terrifically stylish, and he carries it beautifully. Those shoes are definitely on my to-buy list...


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (11:12 AM) : 

the glasses.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (11:16 AM) : 

Try "Character" by Samuel Smiles. Available free online at:


Blogger Sara Bentley said ... (11:16 AM) : 

I completely agree -- grace, manners and elegance have been all but lost today. Such a shame. It makes the few that still posses those qualities stand out. And you're right -- this gentleman does command the title. Great photos!


Blogger Ammu said ... (11:17 AM) : 

Such an elegant man, and such a lovely post - I do like it when your images are accompanied by text - gives one that little bit more to chew on.


Blogger Diana said ... (11:20 AM) : 

I am afraid, that this level of style and grace will slowly disappear of this world...
Or do you think that your, our and the younger generation will be able to breath this in, learn this?
Somehow I am a pessimist about this. But I still hope!
And please, always put your gloves in your pocket when you don´t need them! ;-)))


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (11:21 AM) : 

He is soooo together! What style!!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (11:21 AM) : 

Manners and Grace are SO Important and so many people do not have them which is reflecting in their appearance and communication skills. Emily Post is my favorite book on etiquette, but a modern version would be very appropriate right now. Just looking at last nights grammys, we are in dire need of manners. Just read the "the SECRET AGENT" ARTICLE from the FT Weekend about the NY Corporate Lawyer. I work with these people and their manner are
atrocious considering all the money spent on their education, one should expect more.


Anonymous BuckleButtonZip said ... (11:21 AM) : 

He is impeccably dressed and your storytelling of his grace and manners is what I'll remember.


Anonymous The Photodiarist said ... (11:24 AM) : 

You hit the nail on the head. A lovely demeanor and manners take a person a long way. Way further than the latest that Prada, Gucci and Fendi have to offer.

I agree with Garance's point about wearing what one has. When we make an effort to buy well made clothes with classic cuts and so on and so forth, we should make those clothes work a bit. That's what the great cut/material is supposed to do for us.


Anonymous lucinha said ... (11:26 AM) : 

no words need!


Blogger MsSvelteNY said ... (11:28 AM) : 

I'm sending this to all the men in my cipher. Well done.


Anonymous davidsl said ... (11:29 AM) : 

perfect outfit and i love his glasses!


Blogger Ms. Bunbury said ... (11:34 AM) : 

I remember Mr. Barbera from your book. He0s great and I simply love his camels (I do love camels myself). You couldn't be more right talking about style. Cary Grant (my ideal man) couldn't be the same without his grace. And you're right. We, women, really notice that. ;-)By Ms. Bunbury


Blogger Ljubica said ... (11:36 AM) : 

love these shots
and i loved reading your post as well. you can see this man is a gentleman, it really translates well in these photos. not only does he have amazing timeless style, but he has manners and grace.. that's one combination we definitely don't find every day..


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (11:45 AM) : 

This would be a great time for our purveyor of elegant Style Ralph Lauren to have a MEN's show this NY Fashion week to remind people (MEN) how to dress. There is a resurgence happening (albeit a slow one). Look at the interest in Savile Row (lead by Norton and Son's Patrick Grant), the increase interest in Pitti Uomo coverage. In fact SART, why are there more pics from Pitti? Lead the charge.


Anonymous AnonymousJK said ... (11:46 AM) : 

Even a blind man could see this man is exuding sophistication...


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (11:48 AM) : 

He has great gloves. Wish all men were this well-dressed!



Blogger Jacqueline said ... (11:51 AM) : 

He is the perfect example of a gentleman =) xo


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (12:08 PM) : 

For real class, read the classic: Emily Post's Etiquette. Everything else is just roleplay.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (12:10 PM) : 

Seems like an incredibly interesting person. I love the color palette and his shoes!


Anonymous Woof-Woof said ... (12:11 PM) : 

Indeed, the man carries himself and what he is wearing magnificently. There is lovely patina on those gloves and you have described him what makes him special beautifully.

Thank you for this post. Your commentary is always valued and while a picture is said to be worth a thousand words, I would gladly swap a few pictures for even 50 words more regularly.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (12:19 PM) : 

good manners are like good clothes, they give back to the owner. These things require us to think of others before ourselves, to take care in what we are. Others smile and we feel it. This is very healthy.

Selfishness, and rudeness ruin the beautiful.


Blogger Fabio LE CALZATURE said ... (12:19 PM) : 

Classe con l'eleganza italiana, e una gioia vedere una persona cosi!


Anonymous Beha said ... (12:23 PM) : 

Manners and grace sure is important, and Mr Barbera does look amazing. About the book, the guy Walker Lamond has written the book, Rules For My Unborn Son, and its absolutely great.


Blogger Vincent said ... (12:26 PM) : 



Blogger hibou said ... (12:34 PM) : 

So beautiful! I love that you addressed manners and grace, both sorely lacking in younger generations. It is touching to see how intentional you are when you focus on your subject. You are truly a wonderful artist! I'm looking forward to reading all these comments and seeing what resources were suggested.


Blogger Klever Girl said ... (12:38 PM) : 

Amazing find. Rare, and amazing.


Blogger Caroline said ... (12:38 PM) : 

Amen! I believe this is the most practical post I've read on this website -- and it is true, ladies do notice these things.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (12:39 PM) : 

Mr Sart. You want to look at "Mr Jones' Rules for the Modern Man" by Dylan Jones, editor of British GQ.
It's excellent and covers manners, dressing and many other need to's.
You must know Dylan?
Great book anyhow, well worth your while.


Blogger Devlin Keating said ... (12:43 PM) : 

Mr. Sartorialist,

Try "The Modern Gentleman: A Guide to Essential Manners, Savvy, and Vice" by Phineas Mollod and Jason Tesauro. What sets it apart from some of the other recommendations listed here is the authors' playful and modern tone, as well as humorous sidenotes and useful advice. Enjoy!


Blogger maggie_hogan said ... (12:44 PM) : 

Back when Queer Eye was big, the Fab 5 published a book based on all the lessons in the show. I ended up buying it for my little brother and my boyfriend for Christmas that year and they both loved it. It is a fun, modern take on behaving in a chic and masculine way.


Blogger Louis said ... (12:52 PM) : 

l'eleganza di ieri e lo charme di oggi!!!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (12:53 PM) : 

Please note everyone: neither his nor the preceding photo's two young men's trousers are up above their ankles. You can put that in a book on immutable customs, too.


Anonymous Giancarlo said ... (12:55 PM) : 

I'm only 24 but I've started collecting the Brooks Brothers books for my future children already.

Of course, Baldassare Castiglione's The Book of the Courtier, even if written in the late Renaissance, should be a mandatory read for all aspiring gentlemen.


Blogger Emily Rose said ... (1:02 PM) : 

Thank you for stressing the importance of manners and having grace and poise in general (for both men and women). It conveys such a sense of respect for self and others. I'm about to graduate college and am surrounded by many young people who lack these skills!

Emily D.


Blogger Brummagem Joe said ... (1:14 PM) : 

Luciano is one of your stars Sart. along with Marzotto, Hackett, the Luca's and one or two others. The combo of the darkish brown tweed, mid grey flannels and highly polished monks take some beating. And the great thing is anyone can wear them to advantage. The polo coat looks good on him but doesn't work on everyone so any imitators need to bear this in mind. As to the other it has long been a truism that "Manners Makyth Man."


Blogger Bell said ... (1:17 PM) : 

¡This is a man!
truely Gentleman.


Blogger Elizabeth said ... (1:19 PM) : 

Love his glasses!


Blogger Alina said ... (1:32 PM) : 

well dressed man!
love it;)


Blogger Makeup Theory said ... (1:50 PM) : 

He looks really pulled together.


Blogger Sara said ... (1:50 PM) : 

Im Simply fascinated with this one, I agree, there is something more than "wearing" a perfect look, you have to be and live the perfect look, does not exist a perfect look with out this touch of class and that is only reachable being educated and having manners.
People under 30, should really buy a book of manners at the same time as they absorb the vogue of every month.


Blogger Global Girl said ... (2:00 PM) : 

There is no age limit on style..just wow!


Blogger hi-d said ... (2:07 PM) : 

He does look like a gentleman...inside and out. I love his style.


Blogger Michael Burlin said ... (2:12 PM) : 

I've found this one to be decent, although not as in depth as others:


Blogger anthony said ... (2:18 PM) : 

His posture is excellent. He could wear anything. His shoes are beautiful.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (2:29 PM) : 

That slim volume "What a man should know" published by J. Crew was an excellent if slightly tongue in cheek guide to how a man should comport himself. For some reason Crew seems to have stopped selling it, even though it seemed like a perfect little gift-ette for an intelligent feller.


Blogger Amalia said ... (2:48 PM) : 

I agree with Garance! Anyone can wear new clothes - new clothes wear you. But clothes that are worn-in and have worn well shows that you love them, they belong only to you, they may look, smell and feel strange on anyone else. They have become part of you, like an old arm-chair that no one else is allowed to sit on.


Blogger indigo warrior said ... (3:00 PM) : 

It's so rare to be able to say that a man is impeccable. It's absolutely wonderful when you can, though.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (3:02 PM) : 

My favourite post so far!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (3:03 PM) : 

He is so elegant!Amazing


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (3:03 PM) : 

It simply does not get better. Nothing really deserves a special comment because every piece is perfect but, nevertheless, I have to say, those glasses are savage.


Blogger Sniurk said ... (3:14 PM) : 

tres classieux le Mr


Blogger what dia like said ... (3:17 PM) : 

bcp de classe, d'élégance!


Blogger Kalee said ... (3:18 PM) : 

I love this look! Older men who are stylish and gentlemen make my heart flutter! I'm lucky to be married to a guy who is slowly figuring out his fashion style, and his manners are fantastic. I figure 50 years from now I'll still be crazy about him for these reasons alone!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (3:21 PM) : 

Brooks Brothers has great books on manners.


Blogger margaret at bonbonliving said ... (3:22 PM) : 

I agree that personal style is just as much about grace and confidence as individual pieces. Awesome perspective, funny post. Thanks.


Anonymous Susan at Charm of the Carolines said ... (3:23 PM) : 

Wish you could bottle "grace" and sell it in a bottle. Some possess it, and some never will.

Thanks for sharing!



Anonymous jane said ... (3:24 PM) : 

lovely pictures--he seems to exude such confidence and sincerity!


Blogger judy said ... (3:44 PM) : 

My Dad had gloves like that! (he's 92 now and doesn't get out much any more).

As for manners, I saw a handwritten sign 20 plus years ago on the kitchen wall of the Nantucket Ferry. In full view of the customer, it read: "PLEASE and THANK YOU: The forgotten words of the 20th century", if I am recalling correctly.

Manners help establish habits of remembering to pay attention to the world around us, including the one serving us food. Not only to be grateful for the service provided, but also willing to take notice of others as fellow human beings. That is worth teaching our children.

Thank you, Scott, for your photos and for your words too.


Blogger Berta said ... (3:44 PM) : 

Just perfect!


Blogger Carina said ... (4:01 PM) : 

Brooks Brothers have the book that you want.


Blogger BobKentNoVa said ... (4:07 PM) : 

I hope to age this gracefully.

Count me as another thumbs-up on Mr. Barbera's shoes. That caramel-color leather is fantastic.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (4:12 PM) : 

Rules for my Unborn Son by Walker Lamond


Blogger Fashionista said ... (4:13 PM) : 

"How to be a Gentleman, A Contemporary Guide to Common Courtesy" by John Bridges is a quick little reference book that every man should read. I am a mother of two little boys and am determined to raise them to be a pleasure for everyone who meets their acquaintance.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (4:32 PM) : 

Great photos of Mr. Barbera dressed "properly" in the classic way. You are a master at capturing classic with a twist.

So sorry to hear about your lost gloves. Hope you find worthy replacements [I am still sad about my Florentine hat -- forgotten on an Italian train 50 years ago during a family facation.]


Blogger Eryl Shields said ... (4:34 PM) : 

Adults have been complaining about the attitude, behaviour, etc., of youth since time immemorial (see Pompeii for graffiti). Children learn how to behave by observing and mimicking adults. Grace, elegance, good manners: if the kids don't have it it's because we don't.

However, I don't think that is so, it's probably that kids reinterpret and then do it their way. Adults don't understand and think it's rude. I find my son's friends nothing but charming.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (4:43 PM) : 

Yeah, that's true. Manners and étiquette are getting more popular again.
In Austria we have many balls, corresponding there are a lot of books about étiquette - like "Früh übt sich und es ist nie zu spät", but they are in German only, I think.


Anonymous Em said ... (4:52 PM) : 

Top to toe - pure Style!

And thank you for pointing out how important manners are. I can't stress this enough to my daughter. Not always appreciated but like you say, one day she'll get it.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (4:56 PM) : 

No bs....facially, physically and in the way I dress I'm this guy's's uncanny the resemblance....I showed my better half the pic and she was stunned!


Blogger hmallon said ... (5:07 PM) : 

Grace: Looking like a man who never loses his matter how many times you've actually done it.


Blogger Alicja said ... (5:13 PM) : 

The grace of Mr. Barbera is evident- simple expression says everything. The best is third photo, the way Mr. Barbera holds his coat and hat is just perfect :)


Blogger -h said ... (5:15 PM) : 

He is so elegant. Shame about your gloves. The only books I can think of are the ones that they sell at Brooks Brothers.


Blogger tintin said ... (5:31 PM) : 

You don't need a book of Etiquette. Just remember the Golden Rule...Do unto others. I wish I could remember it.


Blogger lustforlove said ... (5:57 PM) : 



Anonymous Anonymous said ... (6:06 PM) : 



Anonymous Anonymous said ... (6:06 PM) : 

Amazing and beautifully worn gloves. I also wish I still have a few gloves from years past. Here's to aging clothes with grace!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (6:08 PM) : 

What a beautiful man! I like his looks/his clothes-ALL of him!--- if I didnt know him Id definately want to meet him! Im a man and just so you know: MEN notices these things too! :-) Jack


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (6:10 PM) : 

haha i had the american girl manners book... i loved that! then i graduated on to tiffany's book of table manners for teenagers. whenever i'd accompany my mom to fancy business dinners, i was proud to know which fork to use haha!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (6:51 PM) : 

Wonderful Australian book, How to be a man, by John Birmingham.

Good fun and good advice.


Anonymous Monsieur Le Nickel said ... (7:03 PM) : 

Perhaps someone already mentioned it, but my mother gave me the three-book series on etiquette titled, "A Gentleman Gets Dressed," "As a Gentleman Would Say," and "How to be a Gentleman." I believe one could purchase the trio on Amazon.

Of all the books she's given me, these have proven the most useful (save, of course, for the journal she gives me each Christmas.)

Et pour vous qui lisez le français, je vous conseille les petits bouquins de la série "Que sais-je" concernant l'etiquette et la politesse.


Anonymous Beck said ... (8:08 PM) : 

I have two pairs of gloves just like that that belonged to my grandmother, they were her 'country' gloves so I am interested to see them here on such a urbane man. I wear them every winter and have only to resew the seams every few years. They are probably about 70 years old and have darkened in just the same way.


Blogger Betty Darling said ... (8:50 PM) : 

he's so wonderfully dapper!



Anonymous Anonymous said ... (8:53 PM) : 

Manners are making other people feel comfortable and welcome. Beyond the triteness of that sentence is that everyone, men and women, encourage others to act from their best natures. Be compassionate; be principled; be brave; don't hit a man when's down; be generous. Protect the weak, enforce justice. Don't whine; don't boast. Do it all with grace.


Anonymous BendigoBoy said ... (9:13 PM) : 


"Why Manners Matter" by Lucinda Holdforth is a wonderful essay on why manners are still a mark of civilised behaviour, and necessary for the proer unctioning of society:


Anonymous Elizabeth said ... (9:49 PM) : 

Love his scarf!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (9:56 PM) : 

Another vote for "The Art of Manliness" site. I also believe in the importance of manners but I also hope it reflects an interior virtue (hope that didn't sound too pretentious!). But at least it can be a doorway to good behavior and character. I love the pictures, especially the last one. You've see this sort of comment on your blog before but yes, in my perfect world more (most? all?) men would dress this way. After your remark about manners I think the most importance sentence in your post is the last one. Like manners, this way of dressing is within reach of almost every man (even if with clothing that's less expensive). It's a shame that more men don't realize this.


Anonymous Ricky Gomez said ... (10:23 PM) : 

Fonzworth Bentley's "Advance Your Swagger," is a great book on etiquette for men and young men


Blogger saha jones said ... (10:31 PM) : 

to have grace, is to give grace. to be mannered, is not to be affected, but rather, aware of yourself in time and space. To be present, in the world. The past, the future, is NOW, whatever your age or background or gender, there are no excuses for any educated citizen to be without it.... im glad to see this man with NOW,THEN and WHEN carried with him in the structure of his very being, like the architecture of his brilliant outfit... and the fitted gloves.... viva.. the taxi will carry them on to another home, another NOW


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (11:17 PM) : 

Very impressed with this man's dress. Very dynamic style from coat-wearing stage to the jacket.

Although this seems like an indirect response to the the Kanye post...


Blogger rena said ... (11:56 PM) : 

I don't know if someone has already posted this one, and it's more of a novelty book but has a lot of straightforward points about being a gentleman.
It's a book and a website.


Blogger Matinee said ... (12:08 AM) : 

love the leather hands. tells a story.


Anonymous CM said ... (1:15 AM) : 

"Take note gentlemen, this is not that hard to do but very rewarding". I love you Scott!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (1:36 AM) : 

Those gloves have seen some love!



Anonymous Lisa said ... (2:14 AM) : 

My father is a perfect gentleman, kind and elegant. But people often tell him that he is too nice!! My father is a confident man and does not let comments like that get to him. But ii is strange that you often hear that people should be nicer to one another and yet we do not encourage the ones who are!!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (2:24 AM) : 

Charm and good manners, both seem to go hand-in-hand. He looks like he would be a charming man as well.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (5:42 AM) : 

Yeah, this man is totally a gentleman...his style is just wonderful. He is so smart, elegant. Bravo!
My father has the same style. He buys Paul Smith, CP Compagny, and's just so nice when men take care of themselves!


Blogger 1 said ... (5:43 AM) : 

tears of joy in my eyes, I have exactly the same gloves... Thank you, it's made my day.
Gloves will receive extra attention and appreciation from now on.


Anonymous GaudiG said ... (6:13 AM) : 

the shoes,i <3 them...the colour is fantastic!!and i like thpse beige coats,you see them everywhere around the cities in europe right now...


Anonymous Mattheus Lian said ... (7:00 AM) : 



Blogger "Une very stylish fille" said ... (7:11 AM) : 

Really good post. Great text. I SO agree with everything you wrote. I feel a huge gap in today's society, we hardly have any knowledge about good manners that used to be highly important, today are just a pipe-dream. Such a shame.

No comment about the photos themselves,as they are (as always) perfect perfect perfect.

Kind regards,
fashion abuse


Blogger Fashionistable said ... (7:41 AM) : 

Love the images, love the story. Sorry about your gloves.


Anonymous Kerri Rose said ... (8:00 AM) : 

Manners and Etiquette are such important aspects... I wish more men knew this! Truly they come before looks & style.


Blogger Julia, the Thanksgiving Girl said ... (9:10 AM) : 

Oh women DO notice manners. In fact, to some this things is crucial in a man.

I wish I could recommend a good book for gentlemen, but I only know of a good one for ladies - then again maybe it's exactly the one you know of - "How to Walk in High Heels: the Girl's Guide to Everything" by Camilla Morton


Blogger Davidikus said ... (9:34 AM) : 

Fabulous outfit! In particular, I love the brown shoes (of which I have far too many).


Anonymous Eve said ... (9:40 AM) : 

He's amazing, so delicate and beautiful style, great using of various brown tones together.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (9:44 AM) : 

Mr. Luciano Barbera reveals his own beliefs on style that can be found directly on his website at:

Very interesting indeed.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (10:16 AM) : 

Mr. Barbera wears almost the same coat as the girl above ;)


Blogger Hatchet said ... (10:47 AM) : 

I've long held the opinion that decorum would solve a lot of the problems we see in the world. I don't always accomplish it, but I try to be more decorous than indecorous.


Blogger angelique said ... (10:57 AM) : 

Manners are so important to teach the next generation. I have four boys and I try to teach them to live by the "Four C's" we think are important: Common Sense, Character, Courage and Compassion. What are manners if not simply compassion for others? And sometimes you need a lot of courage to be compassionate in a group of adolescent boys! Love sharing your blog with my boys. It adds a fifth "C" to the mix: Cool Chic!


Blogger Charles said ... (11:18 AM) : 

What a beautiful photograph (and of course a timeless inspiration of style).


Anonymous darlene said ... (12:52 PM) : 

I like Mr. Barbera's style--conservative but with a lot of individual touches, like the glasses, pocket square, and striped scarf. Very distinguished. I'm sure he's a head-turner even in fashion-savvy Milan.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (2:23 PM) : 

where can i get shoes like that?!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (2:50 PM) : 

Reminds me of my grandfather; gone these 35 years now. And his smell! he used a solid shaving soap from France, with a badger brush to lather up. I loved watching him shave and the subtle scent; clean, fresh, slightly citrus. And his smooth cheek as he bent down to kiss me.

Thanks for the memory; an unexpected virtue of a classic gentleman's look!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (4:05 PM) : 

As a single father raising two girls, I would say that almost all of the non-fiction titles from American Girl are worth a look.

"A Smart Girl's Guide to Manners" is brilliant and their books on grooming were invaluable since my daughters were cursed with a father who (previously) couldn't braid hair, even if his and/or Rapunzel's life depended on it.

It's a niche that isn't really catered to by any other publisher [cough]market opportunity[/cough] and American Girl does it with both style and substance.


Anonymous Emily said ... (4:38 PM) : 

Mr. Barbera's look is fantastic! Not only does he look put-together, but he went the extra mile to make his entire look both refined and à la mode! I especially love his accessories: his gloves and shoes are such a perfect pair! The classic style of his hat and his modern glasses really emphasize his sense of style!
Bravo, Mr. Barbera!


Anonymous Marionn said ... (5:43 PM) : 

Perfect outfit, and you're really right when you say manners and grace are important to great style! And girls always notice! Thats for sure!

And i actually have the same gloves, only in black. Wish I had bought them in brown when I look at the pictures ..


Blogger 10.13.1983.30 said ... (5:56 PM) : 

A Good Book is Rules For My Unborn Son by Walker Lamond...


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (6:31 PM) : 

amazing. no words. that 3rd picture is your best ever. this man is absolutely breathtaking.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (7:57 PM) : 

There is an Australian journalist Sam de Brito who has written a very contemporary & small book called No tattoos before you're thirty. Published by Penguin. A very modern take on manners and respect. Absolutely fantastic and resonates in society today and tomorrow for us and our children.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (11:01 PM) : 

don't know about his manners from a photo but i do know that he is fabulously vain. perhaps better said that he takes pride in his appearance. it's not just that his ensemble is composed of classic pieces, it's that the cuts of those things reveal the mark of a good tailor. i'll say about his look what his charm conceals, very well done!


Blogger Katherine said ... (12:06 AM) : 

Please keep spreading the good word about the value of gentlemanly-ness!


Anonymous Helena said ... (4:19 AM) : 

I wish my Grandad dressed like this. He knows what he is doing and It works for him. The whole deal, glasses imparticular I love.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (8:30 AM) : 

I had the American Girl Manners book with I was a little girl and I can't tell you how many questions that book answered for me. My mom is a stickler for manners and etiquette but that book helped me out a lot!

American Girl is a great company for little girls, very influential and very ethical.


Anonymous ludivine said ... (9:17 AM) : 

Do you konw (I'm sure you do) what is called in french : la Société des ambianceurs et des personnes élégantes (SAPE) a society of dandymen with a really strict dress and attitude code ?


Anonymous George Williams Jr. said ... (9:19 AM) : 

This article just proves that you just get better with age. He obviously made wise choices with this classic look. What I love most about this look, is how subtle and easy it is to do. There aren't any crazy patterns, or flashy colors. Very simple and elegant. :)


Blogger sarah e. said ... (9:56 AM) : 

don't know if it's been mentioned, but I like the book "Return to Civility" -


Anonymous A.M.Graham said ... (10:12 AM) : 

Brooks Brothers has a series of nice books, such as "How to Raise a Gentleman", "How to Be a Gentlelman", "As a Gentleman Would Say", "A Gentleman at the Table", and "A Gentleman Abroad". There are others!

I really enjoy reading your blog, and looking at all the stylish ladies and gentleman that grace it.


Anonymous Clifford Lau said ... (10:21 AM) : 

This one is also good (brief but very easy reading). Taught me something very useful:

How to Be a Gentleman: A Timely Guide to Timeless Manners by John Bridges

Very nice post mate thanks much.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (11:43 AM) : 

wow; what a superb looking 'look'. does he have class or what. love the deep caramel gloves, shoes, camel coat, glasses, etc. whats not to love??


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (4:23 PM) : 

Such wise style choices-- nothing flashy or showy--

gloves, glasses-frames, coat buttons all match in first pic--
but it's not too obvious--

gray-blue of scarf and pants do the same--

simple perfectly tailored clothes, "topped off" with beautiful shoes--

one of your best picture sets yet!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (9:20 PM) : 

I love that you're so involved in teaching your daughters manners. I was just thinking today how thankful I was I had my grandma and Emily Post around when I was little to show me the way. (and trust me, I was a little more than disappointed when I received "Modern Etiquette" for my birthday but I got over it)


Blogger Rebecca said ... (4:39 AM) : 

I love those gloves.


Blogger MissB2U said ... (1:05 PM) : 

Grace is synonomous within this post. Such elegance and regal!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (2:12 PM) : 

I have those gloves. Roeckl.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (2:55 PM) : 

i like the gentlemans !


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (3:54 PM) : 

This gentleman ist well-dressed, no doubt. Okay. But why does he really look so 'yummy' ? It's all about the moustache !


Anonymous Niki said ... (5:17 PM) : 

I love his hat and his shoes. Some men just have that aura of grace, like you said. And yes, women notice.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (7:11 PM) : 

this is a real gentleman...



Blogger Bow Tie Guy said ... (11:36 PM) : 

I believe Mr. Barbera's style is enhanced by the subtle hint approachability and amiability. And those monk straps. For modern manner every Monday visit:

A good place to start with manners books is:

But the magnum opus will always be:

Thank you for the inspiration.


Anonymous Public Mentor said ... (4:46 AM) : 

The gloves and shoes are superb.

His grace and attitude are very nice.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (1:19 PM) : 

Another fellow geezer who takes it to another level. What sophistication and savior faire!! Just because you're old does not mean you have lost your style too, actually style matures and reaches new heights!!


Blogger pdaervo said ... (9:57 PM) : 

That is what I've been saying all along.
Grace and class are what style is all about. I love my mother, but she has to be the most graceless (and, consequently, style-less) being I've ever met. I've spent my life actively working to not emulate that part of her.
I'm 19, but I am now in the market for a book on manners and etiquette as well. I think knowing that you have the skills to handle almost any situation adds confidence into the mix as well. Grace and confidence are learned qualities, and my personal goals.


Blogger leighanne said ... (9:53 AM) : 

absolutely dashing in such an understated way!


Blogger Basil said ... (6:37 PM) : 

Mr. Barbara is truly a gentleman.

I must agree with "MN SL&E" Etiquette can be taught whereas manners are different. Good manners is rooted in a genuine love and ability to empathize with others. To have have a good manner is too empathize though the vehicle of etiquette.

I am a proponent of the Bible, and more so when it is applied appropriately. When it says that Love is kind and never ends, Men and Women like Mr. Barbara leave footprints in the hearts of others that will never end.


Blogger scott said ... (8:57 AM) : 

The classic clothing & accessories connect in light, color & texture. The translucent glasses, buttons & iridescent hat band reflect a love of surfaces.

A gentleman of energy, sensitivity and style. However, it is his fabulous, idiosyncratic fedora hat (Is it a Borsalino Hat?) tweaked into an inimitable form that says, "I am an original".


Blogger kostas said ... (3:07 AM) : 

Very elegant!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (9:58 AM) : 

The best little book on manners was published by Brooks Brothers it is "How to be a Gentleman" by John Bridges. Live by this book and you too will age with grace.


Blogger PRIMARY COLOURS. said ... (10:56 PM) : 



Anonymous Anonymous said ... (12:10 AM) : 

A wonderful sequence of images here. It would be great to see more of these, if you could.

A great title as well - they impart the images an indication of time passing.



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